Como les va a todos?

Les mando un chiste largo porque nadie manda nada. Se lo
dedico a mi mejor amigo, el maldito Awilsk.

Ahi va!

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
----------------------------------
Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD,
GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
-----------------------------------
Doctor's office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
-------------------------------------
Hotel, Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
--------------------------------------
Using hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR
ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
----------------------------------------
Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN.
TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLE
YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.
-------------------------------------------
Men's rest room in Japan:
TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT.
----------------------------------------
Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
--------------------------------------
On the grounds of a private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.
-----------------------------------------
On an Athi River highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
------------------------------------------
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.
-----------------------------------------
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
-------------------------------------------
A sign on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.
--------------------------------------
In a Pumwani maternity ward:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.
-------------------------------------
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR
OWN GRAVES.
------------------------------------
Sign in Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.
-------------------------------------
Tokyo hotel's rules:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING
BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
----------------------------------------
Menu of Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
-----------------------------------------
Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
---------------------------------------------
Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
---------------------------------------------
Hotel brochure, Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT,
CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.
----------------------------------------------
Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET
THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
-----------------------------------------------
Hotel elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.
-----------------------------------------------
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE
CHAMBERMAID.
----------------------------------------------
Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
----------------------------------------------
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN COMPOSERS,
ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
----------------------------------------------
Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE
BOOTS OF ASCENSION.
-----------------------------------------------
Menu, Poland:
SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS
IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN
IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.
------------------------------------------------
Supermarket, Hong Kong:
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.
----------------------------------------------
The Soviet Weekly:
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC
PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.
------------------------------------------------
East African newspaper:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS
HAVE HROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.
------------------------------------------------
Sign in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT
SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS
THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
------------------------------------------
Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE
SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS
PURPOSE.
---------------------------------------------
Ad by Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
---------------------------------------------
Laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD
TIME.
-------------------------------------------
Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
--------------------------------------------
Ad for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
--------------------------------------------
On box of clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
-----------------------------------------------
In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.
-----------------------------------------------
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
-------------------------------------------------
Advertisement found in a brochure at an Argentinean industrial plant
manufacturer
PLANT ERECTIONS, ALL SIZES, ANYWHERE IN THE COUNTRY AND ABROAD.
---------------------------------------------------
Warren, Ohio, hospital:
IF YOU NEED A TRANSLATOR, DIAL 729.
-----------------------------------------------
American Vice President (J. Danforth Quayle):
IF WE DO NOT SUCCEED, WE RUN THE RISK OF FAILURE.
------------------------------------------------
New Orleans Mayor (Victor Hugo Schiro, during a major hurricane
disaster
with city-wide flooding, broadcasting to calm the people):
DON'T BELIEVE ANY FALSE RUMORS UNLESS THEY COME FROM ME.